Just Thoughts and Nothing Else

Regrets are many
And Goodbyes are never easy!

If I had to say goodbye today, I would have to have regrets. I would regret that I didn’t live my life to it’s fullest and didn’t follow my dreams and hopes and the aspirations of life that passed me by.
I would say that I did’nt challenge myself enough, or that I didn’t see all that I wished and hoped to see.
I would regret that I didn’t share more of my time with strangers or those in need. I would regret that the challenges that I faced weren’t really that hard and maybe I should have responded to them in a different manner so that I didn’t feel so abused at times.
I would have given more time to my mom who sometimes just wanted a small smile or a hug that was meaningful.
I would have understood more of how people hurt so deeply when a loved one dies.
I would have made a real difference in the world by my acts and deeds.

When someone passes they leave this empty hole in your heart that only they were capable of filling. They leave an emptiness in your daily life that you just took for granted some days.
Cherish the memories because that’s what they become. Cherish the moments you shared with them with ones that were also close to them because you can.
Feel that what they left you in life was precious. The time they were here on this earth may not have always been perfect for them, but their greater gift is awaiting them in Heaven.
Remember them for what they gave you with their hearts and their daily struggles.
Remember them for the tattoo they left on your heart to live and dwell there for the rest of your life.
Share with people who knew them, because of all the memories you had of them and they will share theirs with you.

Each person affects another person in different ways and it’s always so wonderful to know what others thought of them too.
Sometimes in the living of every day we forget to say Thank you, or I’m sorry, Or I love you when those are simple words and acts that should never be forgotten. They are words that could have made a difference in that day or that moment and you should never have the regret that you didn’t say something because you didn’t want to sound foolish.
We look at our children sometimes when they’ve messed the house or broken something and we can’t think for that moment that maybe we should have just said “It’s okay”
And maybe there are days when we are in such a hurry that we forget to say “I love you” to our husbands or wives as they walk out that door, and we may find that we regret that for the rest of our lives.
I myself will never have regrets that I didn't say I love you to my children or that I didn’t love my husband enough, or that I didn’t show him love with all I did throughout our lives together, and all I can regret with him is that I couldn’t help him live longer no matter how hard I tried!
In his life he had many struggles, many challenges and yet he felt as if he lived his life

his way! I don’t know that he had regrets, but because he was a man of few words when it came only to his feelings of tenderness, he could have had some for sure.
Sometimes I wished so much that he could share with me all he felt. I wished he could share the thoughts I could see in his eyes. I wished he could have shared with me his inner needs and desires that he just didn’t seem capable of.
But me have regrets, I say NO. not with him. Because I with him was an open book and that’s probably why it was always easy for him to get away with whatever he did, because as far as how much I loved him, he knew it and he used that to his benefit. It’s not that I have regret for that because I needed to be honest with him. I needed to be able to share all my love with him and not have regrets that I didn’t say at least every single day, once a day at least, that I loved him with my heart and soul.
I know one day in particular he finally shared with me that this was very hard for him, that he wondered why God wanted to punish him? Was he really that bad of a person? Did he really deserve something so terrible? Such a punishment in his mind….
I know I loved him dearly, I would and did sacrifice for him throughout our lives together
And yet I wonder if he really ever knew that? I often wondered if he could feel how much I really loved him? How much I cared. How much I wanted to share every facet of my life with him. How I wanted to grow old with him.
The day he passed away, we sat and relaxed outside on our glider, we shared a few glances, we shared a few I Love You’s and we held hands a few times. But mostly I will remember the far away look in his eyes. The wondering in his eyes that told me he was
scared! His fear was there and yet he didn’t want anyone to see it Ever.!!!!!!!!!!
I knew this look in his eyes because I knew who he really was, I knew his heart and yet I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t keep him from harm. I couldn’t tell him and convince him that everything will be all right!
So in my regrets, I will not have regrets that I didn’t love him enough, because I loved him with my heart and soul. I loved him through bad times as well as good.
He will forever be tattooed on my heart his memory, his love, his strength, and the love we were able to share. The children and grandchildren we shared and the memories we made.
So goodbyes are never easy, but in life they are necessary