Just Thoughts and Nothing Else

Online dating

Now this is a new experience for me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this very well, but I’m giving it a try because my very good friend told me that it’s okay.

Unfortunately she didn’t tell me all the pitfalls to it or how it affects you, but it sure is a new way of dating.
In the olden days you would meet people by going out somewhere and you’d never have the chance to really know the person inside before you got to date them, you just followed the chemistry thing and hoped for the best.
Of course I was a teenager the last time I dated and now I’m turning 59 in a couple of weeks. This is all strange for me and I’m a little apprehensive about the whole thing, but I guess nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So here’s another story or maybe it’s just an excerpt from my life as it is now.

I joined the first on line dating site because it had the cheapest prices and I thought because I’m a baby boomer myself, I thought it was a bit apropos to go with a site that had a name like that.

At first I filled out all of the profile things and found it quite amusing that someone could sit there and actually write all kinds of things about themselves and not feel conceited or like you’re tooting your own horn so to speak but there are thousands of people out there doing this I guess.
It almost felt like I was trying to sell myself to the highest bidder! Wow, that’s a concept I hadn’t thought about until just now.
Never the less, I filled out the profile and about a week later I got the courage to pick pictures of myself that I didn’t think were completely grotesque.
Believe it or not, I had quite a few Hits (as they call them) without a picture, but mostly from people without pictures too.
I guess I didn’t like that and that is why I finally said to myself that I am serious about this whole dating thing and I put my picture out there.
Well, I started to panic because I got so many hits I couldn’t believe that there were that many lonely people out there.
Well I guess I was wrong. People of all shapes and sizes and personalities too.
I was starting to panic. I didn’t know if I was supposed to answer all these people or I was supposed to wait for winks, or e-mails or he noticed you kind of thing so I kept taking myself off the site and closing it down because as I said, I panicked.
Next best thing, I call my friends and had them come out to my house for a training session.
The one friend who had been doing this for awhile, was pretty helpful even over the phone, but I was still confused.

Then they came out to the house so I made them dinner to bribe them to help me. ( Although they would have come anyway)
Now we start sitting down and my other friend showed me how to get to the online people and talk to them, but that wasn’t such a great idea.

I won’t even think about trying to date long distance in the first place since the last romance that was very short lived from going to a class reunion, completely fell apart because of distance. Long story.

Anyway, she started to talk to people one after the other only picking people from Illinois so that I could date them if I wanted to and she told everyone that she was doing this for her friend who wasn’t familiar with all of this.
I’ll bet she chose 7-8 different men for me and some seemed nice and I found out later that some weren’t.
One man gave me instructions on how to shorten my profile and cut to the chase because truthfully guys don’t look at these things, they read a few lines and move on, it’s all about the pictures to them. So of course I listened and the next day I did shorten it. I also thanked the man and although he really wasn’t interested in me because I was much too far away from him, it was nice advice and he was a genuine person.

Of course there is the other side of the coin too, when the next morning I got an e-mail I guess you called it from another one that she contacted and was talking to and he made some off the wall comments that we must be girls playing games and that we must be girls that get off on stroking guys around. I immediately said that the conversation was over and I clicked off. Then he kept sending more snide remarks and it finally ended when I said I think you have some real issues and he called me white trash. I then blocked him and he kept trying to get me to respond more and I wouldn’t answer but curiosity made me read some of the e-mails he kept sending. Although he apologized for the first girl off color remarks, that is when he called me white trash instead. I think he had some anger problems.

Never the less, From then on, I was just commenting to people who had kind faces and nice smiles at first even though I was still so unsure who I am actually supposed to respond to.
I did tell them all about my cane, so I didn’t want to push myself off on to anyone who wasn’t interested in me because of it.
So yes, I was very insecure about who wanted to really talk to me and who was just looking at my profile.

It's a very hard thing to do after 40 years! Not sure if you should, not sure if you shouldn't and all the time thinking about why you have been subjected to this manner of dating at all.

Never the less, it's getting to be an experience and maybe it will be worth it in the long run, but right now I'm just looking for someone to enjoy time with as my girlfriends keep saying. But if I want to be honest, I am secretly looking for that long term relationship with someone who will fall madly in love with me and think I still look pretty darn good to him. That's all.
I want a friend first that knows me and loves me and will accept me for who I am, not who I once was. Someone who truly knows that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder, cause let's face it, at this age you really have to have that kind of perspective if you know what I mean.