Just Thoughts and Nothing Else

No matter what happens in life, at one time or another you will have to stand on your own, face your fears, and proceed to the next chapter of your life.

It happens to everyone even though you might think it never will. The time in your life when you do have to stand on your own.

My sweet friend told me that this was me. I am strong and no matter what,

I will always be able to stand on my own.

I've always had things in my life that have challenged me but I always survive life and all it hands me.

We all seem to survive the things in our lives and sometimes they make you stronger.

We fight the fight and we find our ways. We struggle through and think this doesn't look good this time and again we survive and conquer all.

We walk for the survivors of cancer yet while we are fighting it, in our minds we find that we feel alone. Our families are with us and yet the battle inside makes us feel that we stand alone.

I surely don't say that I stood on my own without tears, heartache, or little damage, but I do try, and I believe we all do.

We try to stand on our own again in life when a loved one passes away and sometimes you think you'll never get through this, will I ever breathe again, will I ever have someone to hold me and love me again like he/or she did?

Will I ever be able to stop thinking about those wonderful talks I had with my mom or dad now that they are gone?

Can I stand alone and proceed with life?

Maybe I will find love again in my life that is true and honest, maybe I will find Love again that is unconditional! Maybe I will find Love or maybe I won't!?????

As the elderly have their partners pass, they wonder all these same things as they sit for hours sometimes wishing their lives were different, wishing they could have back what they had in life. Do you think they don't wish they could move on too, but just don't think it's possible. So they move in with their children or they stay alone, or they deteriorate in their minds and bodies because they've given up that will to survive. They stand alone!

I wonder sometimes when I look at my aging mom and see how sad she gets sometimes since the loss of my dad. It surely wasn't the happiest of marriages or the best in the world, but it lasted 62 years because of familiarity and fear of change for either of them, but she does miss him because he was what she knew.

Since she sold her home and moved back and forth with her daughters she's had to stop being the boss of her own domain and that hasn't set well with her but because she's always been so afraid of being alone and so afraid of change, she puts up with whatever is handed to her.

She never stands alone, but she always feels so alone. She cries easier and saddens easier and keeps wondering why her life now is doing not much of anything at all and sometimes she feels like she is just putting in time.

That statement alone makes me sad. I wish I could find a way to help her but other than saying I'll be there for you, I can give her nothing but my love.

I stand alone right now too, but that's because I've lost a loved one too, but I noticed most when I stood alone while I was taking pictures of something else and noticed my shadow. Alone!

But I am moving on with my life and taking baby steps while doing it, and my mother doesn't want to live with me because my life needs to move forward and she doesn't ever want to be in the way. I understand her thoughts and I appreciate that and I'm sure I would be doing the same things for my children if I was ever in that position.

No that is not a picture of my mom, it's just a picture of another lonely elderly person who wears the same sadness I see in my moms face at times.

So, Whatever my quest for life, whatever my determination to proceed with who I am, I am alive, loving, full of life and needing to be who I am! Needing to be the person God had intended for me to be.

I breathe, I feel, I know I can Love again! I know that I can live again and am waiting all the time to see where it takes me. I wish that I had that alone, to offer my mom so that she could genuinely be happy again, but for her, I just don't think she has that will or determination so I will be there when she needs me and God knows I will always love her. I will continue to talk to her every day and try to make her laugh with some of the antics that I get into, and maybe then she will keep trying to live.

Whatever life hands you, remember to stand on your own when you need to. Make sure that you are not afraid to lean on someone when you need to.

But never be afraid to try. js

By: Janice